Photo by Lori Berkowitz.  Accessories & Lingerie: Maison Close.

What turns you on?

It’s surprising how many don’t know the answer to this question.

I was certainly in the category of not knowing for a long time.

How do you get to know what turns you on, independently from your past experience and your lover?

Can I tell you my personal secret turn-on?


It’s not about how you look in it, it’s about how you give yourself permission to explore how you feel in it. When you do that, it’s a total game changer for sensual satisfaction.

It’s one of the most direct ways of knowing your erotic nature, and helps you get in touch with what turns you on, if you can just break through the common brain chatter:

“Will it even matter if I wear it?” “This is ridiculous, I can’t pull this off.” “Will it turn him on?” “He probably doesn’t even care.” “Ugh, nothing fits.” “I can’t afford this anyway.” “This is the last thing I should be spending money on.” “If it fits and does the job, who cares if it turns me on?” “No one is going to see it anyway.” “This is so self-indulgent.” Yep. I know those thoughts. I would think those thoughts every time, and then I put on a go-to plain jane bra.

Here’s how you can zap those thoughts.

Ask yourself:

What turns you on?

Maybe it’s not lingerie for you, it may be something else. The point is, whatever turns you on is worth your time, attention and energy. If you don’t know what turns you on, you’ll continue to feel frustrated or unsatisfied because you won’t know how to give yourself what you need to feel connected to your erotic nature. Being connected with your erotic nature gives you a sense of feeling at home in your skin, vitality, confidence, and it strengthens your sense of deservingness.

Take sensual turn-on into your own hands.

What sensations make you feel titillated?

What’s the most intimate expression of yourself sensually?

What’s both beautiful and sexy for you?

What makes you feel adorned?

When you choose what makes you FEEL sexy, instead of what makes you “look” sexy, you’ll feel turned on no matter where you are or who you’re with.

When you give yourself permission to feel turned on, the default of wanting to please others vanishes, and it empowers you to love yourself with pleasure.

 We’re sexual, sentient and sensual beings. That’s how we feel and express the beauty and love that’s already inside of us, without looking for it outside of ourselves.

Think about the last time you felt sexy.

Did you put limits on your ability to feel sexy with “acceptable beauty” and “acceptable sexy”?

The key to breaking through a preconceived idea about what is acceptably sexy is to give yourself permission to tap more into your senses.

Your inner beauty opens through sensation and lives and breathes through your sexual energy.   

It’s time to redefine sexy.

Forget the Victoria’s Secret billboards. Forget thinking about what clothes you should and shouldn’t wear. Forget about “trying” to turn on your lover, forget about the quiet whispers in your brain that squelch your sensual self-expression with “too provocative”, “not sexy enough”, or “ridiculous and silly.”

Give yourself the privilege you deserve and start focusing on what turns you on. 

If we all give ourselves more of that permission everyday to find and feel what turns us on, the world will be a happier place because we’ll all feel a little more free.

The only person who needs to give you permission is you.

What feels sexy for you today?

Take yourself on a date. Maybe to a lingerie store. Maybe some other place that turns you on. Try on different bras, playsuits and accessories. You don’t need to buy anything. The purpose is to notice how it feels. This is your own personal erotica experiment to get to know what turns you on. It’s about being able to have those sensations in your body as an anchor to what feels good, right and true. Notice what you’re attracted to in yourself. Then adorn yourself.

When you’re in the fitting room of a lingerie shop, and the silk of a crimson robe slides across your shoulder, what do you feel?

What do you feel when your breasts are lifted in the ultimate push-up bra, spilling out of the cups?

When your nipples peek through porous lace, what do you feel?

Take note of all the pleasurable sensations. Use those sensations as an anchor to bring in your sensual expression.

[bctt tweet=”Remember, sensation is part of your natural born erotic essence.”]

© Krista Kujat

Need some inspiration?  Visit my board here.

Favorite Stores for Exploring Sensual Luxury:

New York:
Kiki de Montparnasse
Agent Provocateur
Sugar Cookies

San Francisco:
Dark Garden

La Dame 2 Coeurs
Alice Cadolle

Online Stores:
Nancy Meyer
Mio Destino
Tatu Couture
Maison Close

4 Comments on Finding The Turn On That’s in Your Hands: A Sensual Affair With Yourself

  1. Glady
    July 18, 2015 at 5:10 am (6 years ago)

    Fun post! I usually don’t think about what I can do for myself that would be a turn on. I’m always wondering if what I’m doing/wearing turns *him* on. Love the idea of doing it for yourself. I think in turn if you do it as your own turn on then it’ll naturally turn your partner on, too! You’ll feel good and that will show. Super fun.

    • Krista Kujat
      July 23, 2015 at 6:51 pm (6 years ago)

      So true Glady! The more we turn ourselves on, the more our partners are turned on… it stimulates both people to have more fun, feel more permission, be more expressive and to feel more care-free confidence. Have fun with your turn on… would love to hear how you get creative with it!

  2. Britt
    July 18, 2015 at 2:53 pm (6 years ago)

    Beautiful and important. Love the questions and can’t wait to dive in and dig deeper into my sensuality. Thank you for this article.

  3. Krista Kujat
    July 23, 2015 at 6:55 pm (6 years ago)

    Thank you Britt, I’m so glad to hear these questions ignite your desire to dive deeper into your sensuality – enjoy the dive! Would love to hear what you discover 🙂