blowing a kiss (close up)

There are many ways communication amps up our sexual passion… like talking dirty, telling your lover everything you want them to do to you, and everything you want to do to them in turn… grinding your hips… and unleashing moans, groans, mmms, and ahhhs.  Most of these ways of communicating come from listening to our bodies and following its impulses… BUT

…sometimes greater pleasure calls for more intimate sex talk. 

Ready for the two words that’ll bring your sex life deeper intimacy?

Thank you.  

Let me back up.

First off, ask simple questions about your lover’s pleasure, so the answer only takes one word (like yes, no, harder, softer, faster, slower).

And once you receive a response, remember this:  you just received valuable information.

That deserves a thank you.

And let me just clarify that this is NOT about being polite.

And this is NOT about contriving gratitude for something you don’t feel.

The fact is, that everyone’s body is different.

And the only way to get to know a body more intimately is to communicate and check in.

When your lover expresses a need, you’re being brought out of the dark, so you can be confident in your pleasure-giving.

This ultimately lets you experience more pleasure while you’re giving pleasure.

On the flip side, I had a huge ah-ha moment when I received a thank you from my lover.  I asked my lover to keep doing exactly what he was doing, but just slow it down a notch.  When I heard him say thank you in response, I literally felt my inner thighs melt into the ground – relief and gratitude filled me up.

His thanking me for my request, validated that voicing my desires is necessary for both of our pleasures. It completely eradicated old fears that I’d be seen as selfish, or bossy, or ungrateful, or demanding. Hearing him say thank you completely dissolved the feeling that I would hurt his ego for wanting something slightly different from what he was giving. I also realized kind of communication saves both of us from going on and on, getting tired instead of turned on.

Whether your lover’s feedback is “pleasurable” or “not pleasurable”, when you find gratitude in their reply, it immediately helps you to not take it personally.

When a lover tells you what they need, it empowers you to love them more. Click To Tweet

Knowing how to love someone is golden. And that deserves appreciation.

Way too often our brains, egos and fears get all tangled during sex.

When we don’t know exactly what it is that our partners are enjoying, and what levels of pleasure they’re experiencing, it can easily lead to shut down, a lack of enthusiasm, just waiting it out, or getting into predictable passionless routines. And that’s no bueno. That’s when you start to loose connection, or lose interest in sex all together.

If you’ve ever thought  “oh shit, I’m doing it wrong”, “I’ve never known how to do this right”, “Is this even working”, or  “I should know this by now”, try the simple check in, then say thank you.

Agreeing that you’re in service to each other’s greatest pleasure and love, requires knowing how to give that greatest pleasure and love.

Saying thank you when your lover tells you what they need is a way of deeply respecting the dance of learning to love each other more deeply.

And who doesn’t want to experience deeper love?

Just say Thank you.

© Krista Kujat

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