PERMISSION: Emotional Intelligence

How to Gain Confidence Through Your Libido

Beautiful brunette singing woman on brick wall background

Ever feel like you’re talking to an alien when you express your feelings to your lover?

Um, yeah, that was the case for me and my then-partner several years ago.

I would explain and explain my feelings. Nothing would land until I was pushed to the point of frustrated tears.

If you relate to this, before you blame your partner for being an alien, ask yourself:

Why do you feel the need to explain?


3 Ways to Heal Self-Esteem Through Pleasure

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“Shit I stayed up til 2AM working and didn’t go to yoga today… BAD!”

Most of the time we don’t even recognize the pressure we put on ourselves to meet self-imposed expectations. It feels normal to have harsh ’self-regulating’ thoughts that make us believe we’re becoming “better human beings.”

The problem is, while the mantra “mind over matter” may push you to excel through your physical and emotional capacities, you may be disrespecting your body’s wisdom. If we’re not already totally exhausted from pushing our limits, the depletion we feel inside can lead to knocking down a bottle of wine to numb our dissatisfaction. Overindulgences in other pleasures, such as sex, can serve as an escape instead of a pleasure we’re fulfilled by. (more…)

5 Ways To Turn Resentment Into Intimacy 

Upset woman sitting on edge of bed at home in bedroom

How Anger Can Be Your Saving Grace Instead Of Your Next Disaster

We’ve all been there. Something our partner did or didn’t do has us frothing at the mouth or has our jaw locked with rage. Maybe it was not putting the toilet seat down that sent you off the handle. Maybe your partner giving special attention to another woman has you silently seething.

Whatever the reason, anger deserves respect. It can either destroy you with resentment, or it can serve to create the deeper intimacy and understanding. Anger needs to be expressed so that emotions can run freely again through your nervous system and through your sensuality. If you vent or repress anger, the segues in your body start to get confused about what feels right and wrong in your body. If you keep it inside, chances are your body will shut down.

[bctt tweet=”Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. ~ Deepak Chopra”] (more…)

How Do You Love Yourself? And Why Does It Matter?

making love, masks we wear when making love

Self Love: A Recipe for Integrity

Self-love can easily be misunderstood, misguided and misjudged, but by defining how you love yourself, you’ll inspire, heal and reinforce your personalized definition.

Does self-love mean having the free-spiritedness to dance naked on a beach? Or religiously staring at yourself in the mirror and reciting affirmations? Or dodging negative people or situations at all costs? Or focusing on balls of light to help instill peace? Or rising above all things irksome? (more…)

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Discover A Safe Haven to Freedom by Unleashing Your Rage

Fire girl dancing

Rage: It gets pegged as a gangster emotion that can destroy you, your opportunities and relationships, but if you just have a safe and private refuge to express anger full throttle, your rage can be your most heroic friend, defining your personal integrity.

When rage is given room to breathe, instead of shoved into denial, it’ll help you to see wounds underneath that need to be healed, and it’ll generously guide you towards cleanly engaging in a compassionate yes to yourself and an unapologetic no to someone or something that doesn’t jive with that self-compassion. Rage is your anchor to dignity, your compadre to passion and your backbone to self-loving love at all costs.

When’s the last time you felt seething rage? I mean seething.

The kind where you feel betrayed by something, someone, somewhere and it’s entirely out of your control?

What do you do when your blood boils?

Do you take the high road? You meditate. You do yoga.
Do you throw yourself into getting your shit together?  (more…)

5 Secrets about your Self Love Sweet Spot: The Pilgrimage to Pleasure


Self-love may seem intangible or elusive because it doesn’t just manifest itself in our brains by repeating affirmations. Self-love needs to be felt viscerally in our bodies, in order to have a foundation for deep healing and long-lasting change.

In my experience, self-love is misunderstood and underestimated.  Many people believe self-love requires protecting their energy, dodging negative people or situations, focusing on mantras or balls of light to help instill peace, or rising above all the things that we just don’t love.  And others believe that self-love is simply impractical, intangible or hokey.

In my experience, self-love is none of those things. (more…)

Why Daring to Grieve Allows You To Reach New Possibilities

Sleeping beautiful woman lying on a huge red rose

I want to talk with you about something personal.

Pull up a chair. Curl up with a tea.

I want to talk to you about Grief.

I’m talking about a grief that’s beyond your control or outside circumstances.

It’s the kind of grief when you’ve lost something inside yourself.

Thanks to the help of a wonderful counsellor, it recently became clear to me that being in a loving relationship with a soul mate who I build and create with is more of a priority to me than having a child at all costs. Yet I do desire to be with someone who’s at least willing and open to exploring options for parenthood together… and that meant possibly letting go of the relationship I was in.

Before that clarity showed itself, I felt many things.

And the most poignant of those things was Grief.


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5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Pleasure Derails you from Getting What you Truly Desire

I’d curated a self-proclaimed “Permission Slip” to get lost in the magic of tango, to write my book in cafes in Paris, and to chase northern lights in Iceland. Five countries in 6 weeks, all in devotion to my M.O.: Permission for Pleasure.

Carpe diem. Seize the moment. Live your life. Be Free.

And, if for nothing else, do it because you can.


Little did I know this 6-week pleasure trip would completely re-configure my notion of Permission and lead me to an important lesson.

A lesson on love & freedom.

How To Find Sexual Surrender Through Perfectionism

Photo credit: Pintrest Darkness Falls

Today I surrender.

Do you know the feeling of needing to do more, to the point of butchering your original desire & inspiration?

If yes, I feel you.

I’ve struggled insanely with perfectionism for too much of my life.

It’s stifled my creativity, it’s stopped me from speaking up, and it’s stopped me from being able to let go of control… and drop into orgasm.

If you’ve suffered from perfectionism, you know, as I know, that it’s the ultimate self-sabotaging device.

It makes you believe you need to work harder, do more, cover all bases, to have several backup plans, to orchestrate several support systems to run smoothly. It exhausts you, and your efforts never match your anticipated result. Which leaves you wanting to give up.
Abandon ship. Sabotage.

Please lean in, I need to tell you something.

There’s a very tender, soft, vulnerable, palpable beauty inside of you. Unconscious armors built up around your internal beauty when you perfect, and they are aching to be released.

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Why Sorry Isn’t Sexy

Black And White Art Portrait Of Sexy Female Model With Red Lips

I have to be brutal about this.

Women over-apologize.

We apologize for saying something ‘not quite right.’ We apologize in work situations “I’m sorry, I just meant, or I just wanted to say…”. We apologize for our appearances. We apologize for not being our fictitious versions of perfect. We apologize for our feelings. We apologize for being inconvenient or offensive… or just for being ourselves.

These apologies embedded in the preambles of our sentences are deep-seated. They come from those sinister beliefs somewhere and somehow that we’re not deserving, or not enough, to have what we desire and to be truly who we are without apology. Not always a quick fix.

If you want to know how to pull the plug on over-apologizing, while turning it into an uber satisfying game for yourself… read on.

Have you ever apologized in bed?

Ever noticed how each “sorry” prioritizes or prefaces an assumption about what your lover wants and needs, instead of simply stating the value to what you want and need?

“Sorry, I’m tired”

“Sorry, that’s not my thing”

“Sorry, that hurts” (!!)

“Sorry, I’m not good at this”

“Sorry, I need more lube”

“Sorry, I need you to slow down”

“Sorry, I like it rough”

“Sorry, that position isn’t working for me”

Once, I caught myself apologizing for wanting to change my position. I burst out laughing a few seconds later realizing how ridiculous it was. The thought going through my brain was that my lover might find it repetitive to go back to the previous position. The truth was, it was the last thing on his mind, he was in deep enjoyment regardless of position.

In that moment, I realized my habit of saying sorry was because I had his desires in mind more than mine.

Politeness is pounded into us. To be good. To be liked. To be accepted. To be loved.

Being born and raised as a Canadian, the politeness factor is amped up a notch. It’s practically a national code to be polite. Sorry this, and sorry that. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you. I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better person so you would feel better about yourself. I’m sorry for everything so that you can never blame me for being a bad person.

Of course apologizing when we’ve made a mistake is different. But the truth is:

Apologizing for what you desire, feel, want, and need disrespects the most important person in your life: You!!


When you apologize for what you want, it gives others the message that you’re ‘at fault’ for what you need and desire. Then, when you don’t get what you want because you haven’t asked for it directly, it validates the feeling of unworthiness or makes you believe you need to maneuver other ways of getting what you want without being just straight up direct.

I know it’s not easy to break that code of feeling responsible for our partner’s feelings or fulfillment before our own, especially if our examples of couple-hood have been co-dependent (more on that in another blog), but there’s a fun and easy way to fix this.

The fastest way to honoring your needs and desires is to stop apologizing for them, and start requesting them!

When you request what you desire on a primal level in your sexual expression, it becomes effortless to ask for what you want in every area of life.

Give yourself permission.

[bctt tweet=”Stop apologizing and start requesting.”]

Request your sexual desires.

Turn:  “I’m sorry, I need you to slow down”

Into:  “I want to feel your X slowly across/ in/ around my Y”
Into: “Tease me…  Slowly… I want to feel… X, Y and Z”

Trust me, your bad-ass confidence will launch like fireworks into every relationship, every conversation, every project, and every labor of love beyond, because when you request your sexual desires, asking for what you want will sink into your muscle memory! Do you have a transformative talent for making desirous requests? Do tell! Share below.

When I promised myself I’d NEVER apologize in bed again (and I admit I’ve broken it a couple of times out of habit, but still), I found a whole new level of respect for simply being a woman, and for my brilliantly complex body to bring pleasure to myself and to others.

Make requests for your body’s cravings and your heart’s desires and may your apologies turn into mind-blowing gratitude that has nothing to do with being polite 😉

Have you caught yourself apologizing in bed? Do you relate to the sorry-syndrome?

I’d love to hear your own ah-ha’s with ‘saying sorry’ and share if you have any tricks and tips to shed the “sickness of sorry.”  All Heart.  © Krista Kujat

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