Do You Know How To Feel Real Deal Sexy?


A friend recently said to me, “I can’t imagine you not having sex appeal.”
She didn’t know me when I was an awkward 21-year-old, scared as hell of sex.

In reality, my first time having sex wasn’t the horrific scene I’d imagined for years: excruciating pain, a bloody mess and prolific shame for having to admit that I didn’t know what I was doing.  It was anti-climatic, if anything I thought “This is it? This is what all the hype is about?”.  But the point is, sex in my mind was a foreign thing that would ‘happen’ to me, instead of something I felt I was an active participant in. And frankly, pleasure was the farthest thing from my mind.

Do you remember your first time? Pleasurable?

If you recall your first time, chances are some elements of that experience carried forward into future experiences. Perhaps voices in your head carried forward like “maybe they’ll think X if I do Y”? Maybe your desire to enjoy sex became an experimental charade on how to look like you knew what you were doing?

It’s amazing there’s so little education around pleasurable sex, aside from the general understanding to “have protected sex” or provocative articles in Cosmo magazine about how to please a man. What about the tutelage on “how to enjoy your own sexual pleasure deeply”?

It actually requires a tremendous focus to tune into your body’s unique intelligence.
It’s a consistent, intentional practice in becoming so present to your senses that your pleasure becomes unconditional. Now, that’s the kind of tutelage that would be helpful for first times and every times.

Let’s put it this way. My relationship to ‘sexy’ has changed.

It changed when I understood that feeling sexy has absolutely nothing to do with how others, including your lover, perceive you.

Real deal sexy is about feeling at home in your own skin and owning the privilege to experience pleasure. When that happens, we naturally broadcast real deal sexy.

Trying to “look sexy”… or trying on sassy clothes… or trying a bold sexual act still doesn’t get that deep satisfaction of sexy if the sensual connection to pleasure is cut off:

[bctt tweet=”Real deal sexy comes from the inside out.”]

Real deal sexy is when we express pleasure through our own skin.

Real deal sexy is when arousal breathes and radiates through every pore.

Real deal sexy is when you walk with a shameless swagger.

Real deal sexy is discovering your own sensual nature.

Real deal sexy is knowing what turns us on.

Real deal sexy is knowing we deserve pleasure.

Real deal sexy is voicing our desires.

Real deal sexy is not being “acceptably sexy.”

Real deal sexy is not doing what makes you feel sexy with conditions of “too inappropriate” or “too provocative” or “too offensive” or “too x y z.”

Real deal sexy is not “being sexy” to get attention, to be liked or to be noticed.

Real deal sexy isn’t doing something that turns someone else on.

Real deal sexy is simply accepting you’re a creature who is built to shamelessly enjoy sex.

So go on.

Don’t think about looking sexy.

Don’t even try to be sexy.

Just give yourself permission to discover what turns you on.

And express it from the inside out.

© Krista Kujat

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Do You Know Beauty is Felt, not Seen?


“Beauty is in the transitions.” My tango teacher said this to me when I couldn’t sense whether he was leading me forward or back. In fact, it was a long pregnant move forward that he was giving me space for. Once again, I love what tango teaches me about life.

Beauty is born from the moments when we don’t know what’s next… when we need to listen so sensitively… when we need to move so slowly and gently or we’ll be thrown off balance completely. The transition requires our complete and entire attention… like getting to know a new lover through their embrace before a kiss. And the same is true when we move through any unknown and don’t know what’s on the other side, we need to treat ourselves equally sensitively.

In between moving forward and being suspended in limbo, listen deliberately. Move slowly.

Notice every small surrender along the way and follow the law of gravity with slow, astute attention.

[bctt tweet=”True Beauty is felt, not seen, spoken or instructed.”]

© Krista Kujat

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Thank you Body

RosePetalsPhoto by Candace Smith

Thank you, Body—for your soft lusciousness, for your fullest expression of all and everything or nothing at all, for pulsing through pain and pleasure, for seasoning me with every crevice of truth, for urging brilliance to peek through dark tunnels of my brain, for being my friend & my eternal companion, for your undying devotion to letting me feel alive, for sweating, for crying, for laughing, for rejoicing, for holding my soul, for letting my soul breathe through you when there are no words or reasons, for letting me drop deep within or explode with ferocity, for always indulging me with the lusty chambers of desire, for being the cushion of my pains, for being the custodian of my heart, for being my most wise informant and private eye; for being succulent, insatiable; for always thirsting for breath; for being absorbent, even when my thoughts are cruel; for being a deeply reliant ally in my dreams, for giving me the delight of drinking pleasure through your pores… Thank you.

What did you thank your body for today?

Who Are You?

IMG_6130Squeezing out my essence onto a vision board for this blog… Identity sometimes feels solid and then suddenly unreal or ridiculous… I’ve been an actor, a lingerie designer, a landlady, an environmental advisor, a massage therapist, a poker club waitress, a real estate addict, a sensual meditation advocate, a middle child, a daughter, a sister, a lover, a wife, an ex-wife, but this blog is going to be just straight up ME. Just my voice in the world; how freeing… and terrifying, to not hide behind the importance of an identity!! All in the name of great pleasure, passion, beauty, love and happiness; of being raw, being real while siphoning from the well of beauty from the inside out. Who are you? Without your identity? Your roles? Your credits? Your accolades and achievements?

Who are you really? How do you tap into that? And how do you express it?

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What’s your Pleasure?

Meme12014 confirmed the following: There’s a plan much bigger than I can see… life zigs and zags… purpose gets lost and found… dreams are like accordions that stretch out wide, and then sometimes get very small… life feels ablaze with possibility, and sometimes panicked, like there’s just not enough time for everything. But, no matter what, the thing that never changes is passion for happiness. In 2014 receiving the generosity of friends was like fireworks that lit my passion. For 2015, I want make it my mission, my personal responsibility to return that kind of generosity—to muster up the most unexpected pleasures that I can offer.

What’s your pleasure for 2015?

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