Sex can teach us so much about ourselves. Seriously.
It teaches us where, when and why we hold back voicing our emotions, our experience, and asking for what we need.
More than anything it teaches us how to let go of everything we don’t need.
Have you ever been in the middle of sex and you can’t feel pleasure, all you feel is discomfort?
You adjust your body, you change your position, you persist through the discomfort, and maybe you even endure the discomfort because you know you need and WANT sex as much as your partner does. But it’s just not happening. You’re not feeling it. Zero pleasure.
Your partner notices, and stops to check in. You don’t want to stop, but you also don’t really want to keep going. The friction is more acute now. It could be your head space. It could be your body wasn’t warmed up. It could be you’re close to your period and your body is more sensitive than usual. It could be any number of things. But all you know at that moment is that it’s off. You know it. And your partner knows it.
Dear lady, I’ve been there.
I was once so looking forward to having sex with my lover after we hadn’t seen each other in a while. We both wanted it. Needed it. But when he was inside and the friction felt increasingly irritable instead of pleasurable, we stopped. I apologized, for my disappointment and for his.
My lover said, it’s ok, it happens.
I didn’t want it to be happening.
My lover said, “I hope I didn’t do anything to upset you.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said. “I think my body wasn’t warmed up enough.”
It was really that simple.
Yet meanwhile my head jumped to “what’s wrong?” and then jumped to “I want to fix this.” When our bodies tell us what we need, our minds make up stories about “something being off or wrong”, when its really as simple as fulfilling a physiological need and asking for it.
The clitoris is a woman’s main sex organ (not the vagina, as many, including myself assumed for years). With 8,000 nerve endings, the clit needs to be played with for at least 20 minutes in order for most women to feel pleasure (let alone orgasm) from penetration.
Even knowing this, the Wonder Wheel of my mind whirled into being disappointed with my body when she didn’t respond the way I wanted her to.Our bodies are geniuses. All we need to do is just slow down, listen, speak our truth and Let Go of our agendas! Click To Tweet
Listen to your body.
Then give her a voice.
Communicate. Yes. Communicate even if you don’t know how and what to say. Just share something (anything!) that your body feels in that moment.
In that moment when I told my lover how my body was feeling, I cried tears of frustration. That’s the release my body was truly craving!
After shedding my tears, my body immediately opened again.
NOW she was available. Now she was receptive to pleasure.
© Krista Kujat